Stuff and Blah.
So my last entry wasn't all that positive and the annoying thing is that despite all the shit that constantly surrounds me I think I'm actually doing all right. I think, perhaps, maybe, I don't know, etc.

New job, in most respects, started this week. All a bit hush-hush at the moment and I've no real clue what I'm doing. Producer on $project has so far been terrifying and exciting in equal measure, I fully expect to be looking back on this in a year's time and being just as clueless to what I'm doing as I am right now. Case in point: spent all day being busy today without achieving anything practical. I'll take that as being successful so far...

Got quite trashed yesterday, it's all a bit shameful. Summing up is a bit of a heartbreak, I suppose. The girl I've fallen for kinda turned her back on me last night and it's left me in one of the more violently isolated moods I've felt of late. Not good and I don't know how to stop or control that feeling. Truth be told, I'm still completely in love with Ella, there: I typed it. I don't know what to do, everything reminds me of her, it's not helped by one of the barmaids in my local being an almost exact doppleganger of her when we were at university together. I miss my cat. I miss Ella, I miss our life together. I'm drunk. I miss being drunk with Ella. I miss her laughs, I miss her ultimate hatred of me. I miss her rediscovered adoration of me. I want to love someone again. I'm addicted to a drug I can't obtain.

But, I'm not unhappy. I'm frustrated with the feelings of isolation, certainly, but I'm not unhappy. I live an envious life of freedom and selfishness. I can do as I please. I can come and go and live how I see fit, I have no dependants and I'm my own life. And I'm jealous of the opposite. But, I'm not unhappy. I like me, I like who I am, I'm unique and I'd happily be the person I am given another hundred attempts.

Somewhere, out there in space and time, is another one of me: please get in touch. It's that simple, I guess.